My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
