he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
