I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm too high and old for this...
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