I CAN MOONWALK!
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
