I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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