so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
