There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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