I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
