we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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