tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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