omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
