By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
