the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
