break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
