This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
