my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Panties = found
Randomize