did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
