I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
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