Just mADE A PArabola og urine
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
