It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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