i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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