put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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