all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
