I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
