you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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