as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
