i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
