Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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