Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
