as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
