He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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