Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
