fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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