u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
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