I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
