His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
