We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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