I'm eating all of the evidence.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
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