dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
