i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
