dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize