I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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