she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
