i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize