sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
