Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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