What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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