I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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