omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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