We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
