Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
