i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
