I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
