she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
