Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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