Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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