By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize