i think my tv is drunk
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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