I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
