Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
