thus making me awesome and them whores
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
