so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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