Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize