Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
It's never too late to be topless.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
