so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize