he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize