Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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