Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
